


and on the fourth day

by iwillwalk500miles



Series: and the lights will flicker (as the days go quicker) [6]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Death Threats, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Marijuana, Unhealthy Relationships, Victoria is her own warning, it's not like i can put it in the rosella tag, rosalie and bella's relationship is referenced but it she don't show up so...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillwalk500miles/pseuds/iwillwalk500miles
Summary: “I’m really young.” Bella says softly, opening up her eyes. “Like really,reallyyoung.”Victoria blinks, once, twice. “Excuse me?”“I mean, I’m like eighteen, you know? Like, if I became a vampire I’d have to deal with this baby faceforever, not to mention I’ve never even been high before—I mean, that’s always been on my personal bucket list.”Victoria eyes her, gaze considering. “...That could be arranged—”Or;Bella gets willfully kidnapped, also she's a stupid bitch but that isn't really anything new.
Relationships: Bella Swan & Victoria
Series: and the lights will flicker (as the days go quicker) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1362514
Comments: 135
Kudos: 439





	1. first day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to reiterate once more that bella is a stupid chaotic bitch whose big flaw is not being able to plan for the future.
> 
> fair warning for victoria, she's kind of her own warning tbh, and bella thinks about the fact that she might die a lot

Victoria doesn’t seem to like the situation she’s in. It isn’t like Bella could blame her or anything, but still—she’d like at least a little recognition for the huge risk she’s taking by talking to her. (After all, it wasn’t like the Cullens or the wolves would be all, ‘wow Bella that was so smart,’ considering they continued to throw themselves against her shield over and over again.)

She winces at the relentless assaults… it kind of hurt. (Like, _‘oh hey the more you try and break the shields the more I bleed from my eyes and nose!’_ ) But well, it wasn’t like she could actually do anything to combat that.

“Let me go.” Victoria says, her face contorted in a horrifying snarl. It was as though the previous image of an angel had gone totally evil, a dark and terrifying sight to see. 

It sure as hell scared the absolute crap out of one very human, very breakable, Bella Swan. “Uh, see I totally _would_ but there’s like, one or two problems with that.” She tries, laughing a little.

“ _Let me go._ ” Victoria hisses, rushing forward and smacking her hands against an invisible wall.

“So you don’t like being trapped, right good to know good to know!” Bella says, voice high and shrill with panic, backing up with her hands extended outward. She really hadn’t thought this through, though in her defense, she hadn’t exactly known it was going to _happen._ “Lemme just figure out a way to get you out without killing you.” She concentrates, trying to get back into the state of mind she had when using it before. 

A second passed.

And then another.

And then another.

And then— 

“Ah, fuck.” Bella squeaks out. So much for some sort of cool magical power.

“What?” Victoria growls out, slamming her palms against the wall again in different places, as though she was looking for a hole she could sneak out through.

“I don’t know how to make it stop? I mean, I think this is gonna keep happening until I pass out or something.” Bella laughs, rubbing at the back of her neck. If she wasn’t dead before she totally was now.

“That’s...” Victoria eyes her. “Stupid.”

Bella groans, rubbing at her face in exasperation. “Wow, _thanks_ I totally _didn’t_ know that—”

“You have the survival instinct of a honeybee.” Victoria interjects.

She blinks, tilting her head a little. “Thanks?”

“It’s not a compliment, they sting something once and then they die, I want you to think about that for a moment.” Victoria responds, speaking slowly. 

“Are you calling me a fighter, Victoria?” Bella asks her, voice weak as she pretends to swoon. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

She snarled, “Insolent girl—”

“Ha, _insolent_.” Bella laughs out, stumbling backward a bit and pressing her hand to her nose to stop the blood flow. She sneezes a bit, spraying blood into the open air, and then grimaces through her laugh.

“ _What_ is so funny!?” Victoria was glaring daggers at her, her eyes shining red and making her stomach churn.

“Nothing, I think the lack of blood is getting to me.” She stumbles, landing on her knees, looking up at Victoria and then blinking. “Oh wow are there three of you?”

“Swan.”

“Yee.” She responds, there was something cold against her cheek, soft and wet—

“You’ve fallen.” Victoria says.

“And I can’t get up.” Bella laughs out, wheezing weekly. Tears mix with the blood leaking from her eyes. “Ha, those old commercials used to really freak me out.” She snorted, sending an accidental blast of mud away from her. She blinks again, and realizes hazily that she is laying in mud, her cheek to the ground. “Oh wait I’m on the floor, I didn’t notice.”

“I cannot tell whether or not you’re being sarcastic.” Victoria sighs, looking away and around her. “You’re pet monsters are very concerned, I think.”

Bella steadily ignores her, trying to regain the grasp on her thoughts. Why was she here again? What did she need to do? It took her another moment before she remembers. “We need to talk, I can’t—” And suddenly it feels like something in her mind is tearing, ripping itself to shreds, like a rubber band snapping except instead of a rubber band it was her brain. “—it _hurts_ holy fuck.”

She almost can’t believe how _bad_ the pain is, like a thousand pinpricks in her mind, spearing the area behind her eyes with and causing a dreadful _ache._

“You know, if you were a vampire you wouldn’t have to deal with...” Victoria makes a gesture, looking down at her with an unimpressed look on her face. “All of that.”

“I don’t want to die yet.” Bella whines out, still ignoring her. “It _hurts._ ”

Victoria began to frown, squatting down in front of the invisible barrier and trying to get a better look at her. “Alright, now you’re genuinely starting to worry me.”

“I think... I think I’m going to pass out.” Bella manages to say, trying to blink away the dark spots in her eyes. The edges of her vision were growing dim, her face felt too heavy.

“I can feel that.” Victoria said, visibly tensing. “Things are getting...” She winced, pressing a hand to her chest. “Sharper.”

“Run, Victoria.” Bella rasps.

Victoria blinks, her eyes crinkling a little in confusion. She stares at Bella for a moment, her expression tinged with something Bella didn’t have the brainpower to make out. “What?”

Her eyes and nose were burning, and it was getting harder and harder to respond. “They’ll hurt you if you don’t run.”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

“I don’t know.” Bella lets out a watery laugh. “I never know what I want until it’s gone or slaps me in the face, that’s...” She lets out a gasp, swallowing the sudden burst of pain and refocusing her vision on Victoria. “That’s my ninja way.”

“...ninja way?” Victoria very visibly blinks, tilting her head 

“Wow I am _actually_ going to start crying right now.” She manages out, staring up at her with disbelief. “You are _not_ making this any easier, geez.”

Victoria purses her lips, snorting. She looks up, her jaw clenching before she glares back down at her. “...They’ve surrounded us.”

“I have an idea.” Bella rasps.

“Hmm.” Victoria shot her a considering look, “It’s probably terrible, but the threat level is going down, so let’s hear it.”

“Grab me.”

A frown mars her perfect features as she stares at Bella in absolute disbelief. “I _can’t_ , there’s something blocking me from you.”

“So I’ll get as close as I can and you’ll do the same, then you’ll scoop me up and use me as leverage, it’s foolproof!” Bella says excitedly, doing her best to mask her fear, and slowly starts to crawl her way forward.

She thinks that she hears someone yell something at her, like... something, something, _I love_ , and the more indistinguishable screaming. 

“Wow, this is a terrible idea—”

“I don’t see you coming up with anything!” Bella snaps.

“—let’s do it.” Victoria finishes, shooting Bella another unimpressed look. “Honestly, child, could you please take a pause and _listen_?”

Bella, not hearing anything after the fact that she had _agreed_ to the idea, pauses—her hands sinking deeper into the mud as she props herself up to look Victoria in the eye. “...wait, really?”

“It’s my only chance, darling, of course I’m going to take it.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes and leaning into the barrier. She pokes it for a moment, looking curious, before smushing her face onto it.

“Huh, I was kind of expecting a little resistance.” Bella says to her, ignoring the fact that Victoria is making funny faces into forcefield. “Before, Rosalie hated my—”

She rolls her eyes, leaning back and pressing her hands against the barrier before very visibly rolling her eyes. “As much as I _love_ talking about ex-lovers, and trust me I adore it, we really need to get out of here before I’m ripped to pieces, thanks.”

“You know I’m doing you a favor, right?” Bella asks her, feeling altogether unequipped for this situation. If she survives her situation with Victoria it would be because she managed to ignore whatever batshit things come out of her mouth. She wonders if Victoria feels the same about her, and tries not to laugh. “Like, I’m doing this so you can live?”

“And?” Is her response, a single red eyebrow raised.

Bella nods to herself, sighing. “Right, okay.” Something flickers in the corner of her vision. “Think I’m gonna faint now, Victoria.”

“Oh, joy.” She sighs, preparing herself. “Drop the barrier, Swan.”

“Yes’m.” Her head hits the ground, eyes fluttering closed.

* * *

“Wow, I actually can’t believe that worked.” Bella says when she wakes, her voice a weak, creaking sound. She sighs, staring up at the wooden ceiling of the building that Victoria must have dragged her to. She doesn't want to be thankful she hasn't been shoved in a cave somewhere, but she can't quite muster up the feeling.

“You haven’t even seen me yet.” Victoria scoffs, before revealing herself and looking down at her. “How did you even know?”

“I’m cold.” Bella explains. “You don’t know how to properly take care of humans because you’ve never had one.” She gestures to where she was, laying on a bed with no blanket and slightly aware of the cold air on her face. “I can’t believe that worked.” She repeats.

“Wasn’t all this your idea?” Victoria asks, shooting her an unimpressed look.

“Pshh, _details_ , Victoria, _details_.” Bella waves away her words, closing her eyes again and trying not to groan in pain. “Hey, I was bleeding pretty bad, right?”

“Yes.” 

“How the fuck am I not dead? I mean, aren’t you all like, ‘I eat humans for breakfast and the slightest papercut can set me off’ or something?” Bella turns her head, looking at Victoria dead on.

“I was uniquely motivated.” She says back to her, and it sounds like a lie but Bella doesn’t know her well enough to tell. Before she can say anything else, Victoria asks, “Have you given thought to my proposal?”

She sighs, closing her eyes again and trying to say what she needs to without encouraging Victoria to murder her. This woman was dangerous, and now that it was all sinking in she didn’t know what she had been thinking when attempting to save her life. Maybe she was loopy from the blood loss, maybe she was just feeling self-destructive, she really didn’t know.

It hits her then, another deep pulsing ache, how much she misses Rosalie and the rest of the Cullens. Was that the last she’d ever see of them? An argument between them and the wolf pack? Was that the last that she’d ever see of Jake, or Paul, or Leah—

Oh fuck _Leah._

She’d made a mistake.

...There was nothing that she could do about it now.

“I’m really young.” Bella says softly, opening up her eyes. “Like really, _really_ young.”

Victoria blinks, once, twice. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I’m like eighteen, you know? Like, if I became a vampire I’d have to deal with this baby face _forever_ , not to mention I’ve never even been high before—I mean, that’s always been on my personal bucket list.”

Victoria eyes her, gaze considering. “...That could be arranged—”

“Oh fuck, for real?” Bella asks excitedly, “Sign me the hell up!”

“—but only if you agree to my terms.” Victoria finishes, shooting Bella another unimpressed look. “You really have to learn not to interrupt me...” Victoria trails off, smirking, “What if I wanted to do something untoward to you and you didn’t hear the entire thing?”

“Oh.” She says, sighing and ignoring the last thing that Victoria had said. “Vampirism.” She should have known there was a catch.

“Well, _yes_.” Victoria says. “ _Obviously._ ”

"See, this is why no one likes you."

Victoria raises an unamused eyebrow, and it only makes her try harder.

“I’m in love with Mary Jane bro, you can’t keep us apart.” Bella protests, pressing a hand to her chest melodramatically. “You can’t control my blaze, dude.”

“I despise the fact that I know what you mean.” Victoria says, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Can’t we just like, talk about this?” Bella asks her, sitting up quickly and regretting it. She grimaces, pressing a hand to her throbbing forehead, leaning back down slowly and ignoring the smirk on Victoria’s face. “Why do you want _me_ so bad anyway? My killer good looks?”

“Among other things.” Victoria purrs, shooting her a look, her eyes half lidded.

Bella makes a noise, blinking in surprise and feeling blood climb into her cheeks. “Damn girl, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.” She laughs out nervously, not so subtly backing away from her.

“Humans...” Victoria frowns, considering. “Humans don’t get heart attacks from looks like that.” It sounds kind of like a question.

“I love how you hesitated right there.” Bella says, grinning wide. “You aren’t sure, are you?”

“It’s not very smart to snark at a vampire.” Victoria says in response, raising a single brow. Her voice was entirely too smooth, a threat wrapped in the dulcet tones of her sweet voice. 

Bella had not forgotten who she was dealing with but if she had that would’ve been an excellent reminder. “I can be not so smart sometimes.” She admits honestly, “It’s like... one of my quirks.”

Victoria laughs, actually _laughs,_ as though Bella had said the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “And _that’s_ why I want you by my side.”

Bella blinks cluelessly. “...because I’m stupid?”

“Because you _amuse_ me, you’re... kind, which is a stupid thing to be when you’re a vampire, but I’m sure I’ll have fun stamping it out of you.” Victoria smiled, a slow excited curve of her lips that struck the fear of God in Bella. She was not joking, and even as Victoria laughs at Bella’s sudden racing heart—an almost warm, soft sound—the sheer terror doesn’t go away. “Well.” She starts, crimson eyes sparkling. “Stamping it out of you so the only kindness you show is to me, and maybe another select few.”

She swallows, trying to ignore the dry lump in her throat. She felt like she was being throttled. “That’s awfully territorial of you.”

“I don’t like sharing.” Victoria says, licking at her teeth, and Bella is somewhat surprised to see that she has actual _fangs._ The Cullens didn't have fangs so who did _Victoria_ have them?

“That’s kind of... hot of you? No, no it wasn’t—go away lizard brain.” She reaches up, flicking herself on her forehead and trying to get the visual out of her mind.

Victoria laughs, a crooning sound that's more terrifying than it is attractive (...which still... made it kind of hot? no, no it wasn't go _away_ lizard brain—) “Why do you want to remain human?” She asks her, leaning closer.

“Other than the fact that I don’t want to die?” Bella asks, unable to move away much but startlingly aware of the fact that she wants her personal space back, thank you very much.

She snorts. “Other than that, yes.”

“It’s..." Bella pauses, she didn't think it would be a very good idea to tell Victoria more than she should. "It’s complicated.”

“...It’s that girl, isn’t it?” She tilts her head, fiery curls falling around her face, and Bella notices for the first time that there are freckles splattered across her cheeks.

“Girl?” She chokes out.

“Yes, the two of you are mates—so it makes sense.” Victoria pauses, considering for a moment. “Well, actually that isn’t true, you’re _her_ mate.”

“How is that any different?” The question is blurt out, escaping from her mouth in pure _confusion_. She doesn't want to think about Rosalie right now, doesn't want to think about Rosalie _ever_ , but her control slips as easily as it always does.

“You are the one she cannot live without, not the other way around.” Victoria clarifies, leaning back in the very uncomfortable wooden chair that she was sitting on. “You are human, the mating bond is almost nonexistent for you.” When Bella only stares, disbelieving, Victoria narrows her eyes. "The mating bond _should_ be almost nonexistent for you."

Bella closes her eyes, and even though she is very uncomfortable the stirrings of exhaustion make the bed beneath her feel very tempting. “But if you turn me, doesn't it like, go in effect?”

“Not... quite.”

Her eyes snap open. “What?”

“You will always be attached to the one who turned you.” Victoria says slowly, standing from her chair in an easy fluid motion and moving toward a window. 

Bella uses the chance to examine her surroundings a bit more, taking in the soft lantern light and lack of light bulbs around the room. It seemed as though she was in an abandoned cabin of some kind, run down and filled with dust and worn, practically destroyed furniture. She grimaces, and peaks out of the glass Victoria stands in front of, seeing a wonderland of snow. She blanches a little bit at that, how _far_ had she been taken? How _long_ had she been gone? Her dad was probably worried _sick_. 

“...is that why you were with James for so long?” Bella asks her, forcing herself to get back on conversation, ignoring the nauseous feeling in her stomach that comes with the thought of her father.

Even though she could only see the corner of her face, she knows that Victoria is smiling. “How did you know he turned me?”

“Call it a hunch.” Bella said weakly, and then because she was tired and bitter and a little bit suicidal, "I mean, why else would you be with that creep for so long? His dick was probably super fucking tiny, so it's not like you'd be around for _that._ "

“Hmm.” Victoria snorts. (She actually _snorts._ ) “Well, the sire has the potential to get in the way of... mating bonds.”

The puzzle pieces fall into place quicker than Bella would have liked, and it's not hard to jump to a very nasty conclusion. “Did he... did he do that to you?”

“Yes.” Victoria says, voice soft. "I feel her more and more with each day James doesn't live, but the bond is already damaged beyond repair. It will never be what it had the potential to, all those years ago." She laughs. "It's a wretched type of pain, Swan. A gaping hole in your very essence."

“So you’re going to do that to me?” She was going to do that to _Rosalie?_

(She ignored the fact that _Rosalie_ feeling that kind of pain was somehow worse than if _she_ were to feel that pain.)

Victoria turns to her, eyes serious—something that Bella's sure she's never seen before. Amused? Yeah. Angry? Totally. But serious was very, very new. “Only if she tries to kill me, only if she doesn’t let you follow.”

Bella can't help her exasperation. “Have you heard of the cycle of abuse—”

Victoria surges forward, clamping a hand over Bella's mouth, brows furrowed as she seems to concentrate. “Shush.”

“Okay.” Bella says, muffled against the palm of her cold hand.

“Things have gotten more dangerous.” Victoria says after a moment, grasping at her chest with a grimace. "Sharper."

“Victoria—”

“Choose now, I will not have the time otherwise, they will be here in..." She considers herself for a moment, pressing her palm so hard against her chest Bella is sure she hears the cracking of marble skin. "Maybe four days.”

Bella blinks, four days doesn't seem like soon to her. “That long?”

“I lived with a tracker for centuries, I know how to cover up tracks.” Victoria says. "And the turning process takes three days, sometimes longer, in truth if in the end you choose to follow me—we only have maybe... nine hours to spare."

“I don’t want to die.” Bella manages out, more desperate then she means to get out. “And you said you’d get me high—”

“There isn’t... time.” Victoria says, looking almost apologetic. She laughs, a bitter sound. “Funny how that works out, I’m immortal and I haven’t got any time left for you.”

“I don’t want to die.” Bella repeats quietly.

She watches her, expressionless. “I won’t turn you without your consent.”

“But you’ll kill me if I don’t say yes?” Bella laughs.

“...yes.” Victoria almost sounds sheepish.

She closes her eyes again, turning her back to her and curling into a ball. She had thought... she thought maybe she'd have a little leeway, she was mistaken. “That doesn’t sound very consensual.”

“Apologies.” Victoria says, not sounding very apologetic at all. “Now choose.”

“I saved your life.” Bella reminds her.

“You saved me some minor inconveniences.” Victoria responds easily. “I think that my life is in danger right now because of you, actually.”

“It’s because _you_ don’t know how to share.” Bella says, and she isn't snarling or growling or yelling but there is a ringing sound of pure _rage_ to her voice that she hadn't sounded like in quite some time. She turns to look at her, glowering. “It’s because _you_ decided you wanted a friend, and have no problem _killing_ people to have one.”

“You’re... angry at me.” Victoria says, astonished. For a moment, Bella thinks that she's genuinely surprised, but then a broad smile makes its way onto her face. “I expected a little more yelling, to be honest.”

“That’s not... that’s not how I get angry.” She manages.

“But it was like that with the Cullens, no?” The tilt of her head is cocky, falsely questioning—like she's _playing_ with her once again.

“To an extent.” Bella admits to her quietly. "I am... not very good at loud yelling." She wasn't even lying, she when she got mean she got bitter, not loud.

“You’re... quieter in those feelings than him.” Being compared to _James_? Bella may not be very good at a lot of things but she knew enough that she was better than _that_ waste of space. “This only proves to me more that you’ll do.”

“...I can’t.” She says through grit teeth, finally managing to prop herself upward. She huffs, leaning against the cold wall and trying not to slump over, her head still throbs—but it's easier to think now, a clearer picture in her mind.

“Why not?” Victoria almost pouts.

“I just... I _can’t_.”

“You don’t want to leave them behind.” Victoria notes after a moment, watching Bella thoughtfully. “You’ll know you’ll have to eventually, this way you'll at least have the chance to see them again.”

“They only love me because I’m human.” Bella's voice warbles. “All of them.”

The wolves couldn't even stomach the Cullens, objectively some of the most docile vampires in the world. What would they think of her if she was turned, a newborn shackled to Victoria? Forced to leave them all behind and feed on _people_ —

(Actually, she thinks, some people she wouldn't quite mind feeding on—but the thought still makes her stomach churn.)

“I’ll love you when you’re not human." Victoria declares. "There, problem solved.”

“So they love me when I’m a human, you love me when I’m a vampire?” Bella scoffs. "How is that any different, in the end?"

Victoria watches her, and her gaze is almost soft. “I love you this very moment.”

It's the worst thing that she could have possibly said to her. Words that she would have enjoyed hearing from any of her friends, in every other possible circumstance. She can't stomach it, that thought, that _emotion_ not from Victoria. Not from a woman who has no issue killing her, ripping her apart and away. “That’s... that’s not true.” She chokes out, but she is unsure. 

“But it _is_ , I love you, the possibilities that you can bring me—I love the fact that you haven’t allowed me death, that you care despite your anger.” Victoria stalks closer to her, a predator in disguise of someone who says they _love_ her. “I love the fact that you want to be human so much, and I love the fact that you’ll let me take it from you.”

“That isn’t love.” Bella says, feeling sick. “And even if it was, you feel that way because of all the wrong reasons.”

“Perhaps.” And the worst part is, she doesn't seem to mind if Bella's telling the truth, doesn't seem to mind if the torch she holds is not what she proclaims it to be. Bella would rather see a fierce defense, because at least then Victoria would be delusional—at least then Victoria would actually _believe_ her own words. “But as you say, I am wanting for a friend.”

“Victoria.” Bella's voice is a shaky, anxious mess.

“Bella.” She smirks, and she's leaning over Bella again, the whites of her teeth and fangs shining an inhuman color of white. “We even sound good together, don’t you think? Bella Victoria, beautiful victory.”

“I can’t—”

“Oh, worry not, I am willing to accept whatever love you muster for me, right now it is utterly platonic, so worry not for any... non-consensual acts in that nature.” Victoria says, waving away concerns that had been there but not what Bella had been about to refer to.

“That’s still fucking horrible.” She spits out.

Victoria smiles, tilting her head. “I am a ‘fucking horrible’ person.”

“Oh, worm?” Bella asks her sarcastically, smacking the back of her head against the wall.

“If... if you truly do not wish to be turned, then you have four last days to live.” Victoria says after a moment, almost looking apologetic. “I will not go after your family in petty revenge, I respect you too much to hold something like that over your head.”

“And if you didn’t respect me?” Bella's question is a quiet one, the type where she already knows the answer but asks anyway because the only thing she can properly feel is _disbelief._

Red eyes watch her critically, a wary fluttering of lashes and the downward pull of lips making Bella's blood run cold. “Do you _really_ want me to answer that?”

“I guess not.” Bella laughs out weakly. “Four last days, huh?”

“I will give you all I can before I kill you, it’s only fair.” Victoria bowed her head, as though she was praying. "If I have to take your life I will make sure that you are content in every moment before that."

A prized pig, given the best foods before slaughter.

“God I fucking _can’t_ with you.” Bella says, tears in her eyes.

She is going to die, either way her life ends, she is going to _die_ —

“I love you too.” Victoria smiles at her “I will give you until nightfall to think it over.”

“How kind of you.” Bella snarks, because she won't allow her spirit to be broken, not yet.

“It’s all I can spare.” Is the apologetic response.

“I... I can’t thank you, because you’re the reason I’m in this situation—”

“Actually, you’re here because _you_ wanted to help _me_.” Victoria points out.

“—but I appreciate the extra time.” Bella finishes, narrowing her eyes.

She has some serious thinking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next three chapters are the next three days, expect not only shenanigans but angst
> 
> anyway, guess what i'm working on again! let's hope i can actually finish lmao


	2. second day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella makes her decision. Victoria is weird about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit shorter than the first chapter because honestly it's kinda filler

Bella is a stupid person

She knows this, knows this like she knows Victoria will kill her given the chance, knows this like she knows how much she misses her father and friends, knows this like she knows the wolf pack’s favorite ice cream orders by heart. She's known this for years, had spent her entire life relearning the fundamental lesson that when presented with two choices that she would _always_ choose the stupid one.

Bella is a stupid person.

_She knows this, she has known this._

So why was it even such a surprise to her?

Bella should _not_ be surprised that choosing to help Victoria would have costs, she should _not_ be surprised that she had brought death to her door. Bella Swan welcomed death in, actually, she said, _“Let me take your coat.”_ as the concept stood, shrouded in darkness and holding a scythe; bowing its skeletal head in thanks as she treated it like an old friend. She welcomed the being to her home, tucked it close inside of her, told it to take whatever it wished—to do whatever it wanted—and it had looked upon her and said, _"Give me you."_

And Bella (stupid, stupid, Bella) had obeyed without even a second thought.

Victoria leaves her alone in the cabin, trusting that Bella knew if she tried to escape she would very easily be able to track her down; not that she actually wanted to, the amount of snow in the mountains would give her frostbite. She didn’t want to die before she was supposed to. She'd been told that she would be back the next morning, that she'd have to give Victoria her choice on their second day together.

Exploring the shabby building wasn’t something she expects to really have any results, but it was a way to pass the time, to get her mind off everything for a little while. 

She finds old paper and a barely working pen, and decides to become a vampire.

Then she writes letters to the people she loves and realizes how stupid that decision would be. The letters are filled with words of pain, the distinct kind of hurt that comes with chosen last words. Is that what she had been planning for? She knew that you can change after your turning, so she’d written everything down she needed to say to the people to care about as though she was dying.

And she was dying, wasn’t she? If she were to be turned the venom would strike her heart, stalling it—the venom would shift the bones of her body, sharpening the lines of her face and smoothing any asymmetrical aspects of herself. 

But she doesn’t want to die like that.

She wants to _live_. She wants to have to take deep breaths and feel the pain in her sides when she laughs too hard, wants to feel the blood rushing into her cheeks and the subtle throbs of pain whenever she trips into something, wants to feel the warmth of the sun on her skin and the bitter chill of the cold seeping into her bones. She wants to _live_. 

And maybe after that, maybe after she has grown tired of sounds of popping joints and awkward fumbling that came with humanity, maybe after she has come into herself entirely, would she ever consider immortality.

So she chooses, and hopes that she does not come to regret.

“At first I was going to tell you yes.” Bella says when Victoria walks in through the door the next morning, holding the letters to her chest and trying not to flinch when Victoria goes very, very still. She's in the presence of something so very terrifying, someone who would kill her without a second thought come the fourth day they spend together. There's nothing Bella can do to calm the racing of her heart, but she can keep her face still—keep her shoulders square. If she had to face death she'd do it with a smile and proud posture.

There was nothing else she could do but this, and she always enjoys having a bit of agency.

There’s blood stained on the shirt that Victoria is wearing, the one she had stolen from Bella’s room. She folds her arms behind her back, cocking a red eyebrow and tilting her head curiously. Her movements are smooth and catlike, almost as though they were a routine and not something she'd decided to do. When Bella looks at Victoria moving she doesn't see the second guessing or hesitance of humanity, only the fluid instinct of vampirism—like every move she made was in her own nature, despite the fact that she might have never even done it before. “Oh?”

“I wrote letters for everyone, see, because I know that sometimes the turning makes you a different person, or sometimes the venom kills you.” Bella explains to her quietly, gesturing to the shabby paper that was strewn around her—notes and letters to anyone and everyone who could’ve been affected by what happened to her. It was almost depressing, to the last words of a dying girl just strewn about like they were nothing. It would be sad, but Bella had been the one to do it, to discard her last words around her like they were almost nothing. “I wanted there to be a remnant of me that still existed for the people I care about.”

Victoria watches her, something in her expression shifting. “You say at first.”

“Yeah.” Bella agrees with a watery smile. “I don’t... I don’t _wanna_ be another person, not when I just started liking the person I turned out to be.” She grit her teeth, wrapping her arms around herself and looking away from her. Bella couldn’t bear to look at Victoria any longer. “It’s not fair.” She murmurs.

“It isn’t.” She nods with a sigh, reaching up to push some of her hair from her face, deciding to tie it into a ponytail. Victoria looks different with her hair up, like she was softer somehow—the red curls out of her face and pulled up lazily. It was like she’d transformed with that simple act, like that was the evidence Bella needed to know that she was _alive_.

Or at least, that she had been at one point.

(She doesn't quite know what's worse, seeing humanity in a monster or seeing that the monster once held humanity.)

“See, I was going to say yes, at first.” Bella repeats herself quietly, and manages to keep her gaze on Victoria’s red eyes, for the first time not flinching away when they narrow toward her.

“But now?”

Bella smiles, wan and exhausted. “I’d rather die.”

“You will.” Victoria says to her sadly.

It’s almost a surprise how much she seems affected by it, Victoria the vampire with her heart so full of murder and blood; brought to her knees by a silly little human deciding that she’d rather die than join her. But it wasn’t as simple as that, Bella thought to herself, even if it was someone she genuinely adored like the Cullens—she didn’t think she’d ever be able to become a vampire until she was satisfied with the life she’d lived.

But still, the downward curl of her lips and the furrow of Victoria’s brow made her shift uncomfortably. 

“In three days from now, I’ll die, that’s ample time to live, isn’t it?” Bella says, trying to smile reassuringly at her. She gathers the letters on the bed, stacking them neatly in her hands and taking a deep breath, looking back up at her. “Do me a favor and make sure everyone finds these.”

“What?” Victoria asks, blinking.

“I don’t want you dead, so if they loved me they’ll listen when I say to leave you alone.” Bella explains, not really smiling but not exactly frowning. “So you shouldn’t have to worry about death from them.” She shifts on the bed, shivering a little from the cold but managing to stay upright. "Give these to them, please—or give them to just one of the Cullens or Wolves, they should do the delivering if you don't want to."

“Why?” Victoria asks her, looking more confused than Bella’s ever seen her before. “God knows I deserve all death has to offer and more.”

“Well yeah, maybe.” She shrugs easily, Victoria probably deserved exactly what she said she did, but it seems like a waste, right? After all the trouble Bella had gone through just for her to end up dead? That just wouldn’t do. “But after all I’ve gone through to keep you safe, it feels like I wasted my life if you’re dead so soon after the end of it.”

Victoria furrows her brows, smiling at her like she was a bit crazy. (Which Bella personally thought was a tad hypocritical.) “How unexpectedly sentimental of you.” She says to her, chewing on her lip and shooting Bella a curious glance.

“Gee, thanks.” She snorts, crossing her arms and leaning back into the wall.

“I’ll...” Victoria sighs, rubbing at her face before pinching the bridge of her nose. “I will honor your request.”

She says it so solemnly, like it was a promise that bound them in magic, something that kept Victoria from just breaking it like it was nothing. It was almost funny, how willing she seemed to keep a promise and how willing she was to just... _kill._ Don’t get Bella wrong it was totally fucking terrifying, but it was also just _interesting._

Much to Bella’s chagrin, it seemed like Victoria the vampire was an _interesting_ person. Ugh, the person who was going to kill her was _compelling._ That was like... getting killed by Hannibal Lector or something, the whole, _“Wow you’re pretty charming I guess but you’re trying to eat me so that sort of cancels out.”_ Well, there was one bright side to that, at least Bella didn’t waste her life saving a _boring_ murderer instead of a _fascinating_ one.

“Great.” Bella huffs out, suddenly too tired for wherever her thought process was going. She shoots Victoria a tired grin, winking and making finger guns. “Let’s go get fucking blazed.”

Victoria considers her for a moment before shrugging, returning Bella’s smile, though it was a bit awkward. “I haven’t been high in quite some time—”

“Wait,” Bella interjects, her eyes going wide. “Vampires can get high?”

“Yes...?” Victoria blinks at her, tilting her head and crossing her arms. She looks a bit surprised, as though she hadn’t expected her not to know. (Which Bella privately thinks isn’t very fair, considering everything about her entire situation.) “We can eat too, we just don’t digest it very well, and it tastes... not as good as blood.”

She purses her lips, pressing a hand to her chin in thought. “Emmett barfed for like, three days straight after I made him eat like fifteen boxes of sourpatch kids.”

“Did he? Strange, it wasn’t like that for most of the vampires who said they tried it.” Victoria notes, looking intrigued. She sits down across from Bella, an excited glint to her eye that sends dread down Bella’s spine. (Not the bad kind of dread though, just the kind of _‘aw fuck’_ that came when talking with a nerd about their favorite subject you weren’t too well versed in.) “Though, they were all human drinkers, so perhaps that has something to do with it.” Victoria points out thoughtfully.

“Weird.” Bella hums out. She couldn’t help but wonder about the other things that vampires could and couldn’t do, a wistful smile curling her lips. “I really don’t know a whole lot about vampires, do I?”

“You could learn.” Victoria murmurs slowly.

Bella closes her eyes, sighing. “I can’t.”

“You can.”

“I _can’t_.” She says with more force.

Victoria doesn’t do anything for a moment, the both of them sitting in the quiet. It’s a little bit longer before a tired sigh escapes Victoria’s mouth, exhausted and almost amused. “You really make me want to break my moral code, sometimes.” She says through a small laugh.

“You have one of those?” Bella asks her, eyes fluttering open as she tilts her head curiously in Victoria’s direction.

“Of course, I’d never turn you without your permission—as it goes against my moral code.” She explains seriously, and Bella has to fight the urge to burst into laughter.

She raises an eyebrow, “But you’d kill innocent people and slaughter me after I say no.”

“Yes.” Victoria shifts in her seat in a way that’s almost awkward. “I never said it was perfect.”

Bella stares at her in disbelief, unable to really comprehend just exactly what was happening. Finally, she shook her head, snorting and deciding that she was better off just not thinking about it too hard. “You’re so fucking weird, dude.”

“You are the first to say so.” Victoria admits, her eyes narrowing a bit as she licks her lips, almost seeming to try and pin Bella down with her gaze. “I would’ve killed anyone else who tried, you know.”

“Is that supposed to be charming?” Bella asks through a choked laugh, forcing away the awkward churning in her stomach and processing just what exactly she had been told. “Wow, wait a second!” She begins, grinning wide and pointing at Victoria and giggling loudly. “You’re just as socially awkward as _Edward_ , but instead of brooding when you don’t get your way you just _kill_ people.” She snickers. “I don’t know which one of you is the worst, honestly.”

(It was probably Victoria because of the whole killing people thing, but Edward’s brooding was notorious, so it was kind of a coin toss between them.)

She stares at Bella blankly for a moment, before her face contorts into something so _offended_ that it takes all of Bella’s strength not to laugh at the look Victoria is shooting at her. “Did you honestly compare me to that... _boy_?” She asks, sounding aghast.

“You don’t like that?” Bella asks despite knowing the answer. It may have been a little stupid to be teasing someone who was going to kill her in a couple of days, but Bella had decided that if she was going to die she may as well have a little bit of fun with it.

(Which was probably not the healthiest coping mechanism in the world, but what _else_ was she supposed to do? Wallow in her own misery? She’d done plenty of that before she’d learned she was going to die, she deserved to have a bit of a good time before everything went deeper into shit.)

“He seems like a bore, if I’m being honest.” Victoria says, crossing her arms and staring Bella down seriously. “I am fun, I am a fun person.”

“Yes, all of this murder is certainly very _fun_ just let me go get my party hat and a kazoo.” She snorts, almost knocking her head back into the wall with how hard she rolls her eyes. Victoria’s sense of morality was seriously skewed, but at this point in her life there wasn’t much Bella could do except give a lasting impression. Who knows, maybe after she’s dead Victoria will go through a redemption arc and change for the better. That’s how it went in movies, right? Surely it would happen in real life too. “Let’s go now?”

“So marijuana first, then?” Victoria stands to her feet, extending a hand toward Bella.

“Do you even have to ask?” Bella retorts sarcastically with a smile.

“Of course.” Is her response, Victoria looking very serious. “Consent is always important, Swan—”

“Christ, let’s just go get high please.” She really didn’t need an ethics lesson from little miss ‘senseless murder is super fun and sexy.’

“Alright.” Victoria says, smiling. “Let’s get to it then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter they totally get high


	3. third day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria kills somebody, Bella gets zooted for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit darker than usual in the beginning, also!! there is drug use this chapter, i forgot to put it in the tags so i apologize if it makes you uncomfy! unfortunately weed is one of this chapter's plot points, so it's sort of mentioned a lot - also this isn't edited like, at all so if you see any mistakes no you didn't

The expedition was perilous, the quest for the most important, most _wondrous_ plant a backbreaking affair. Truly, Bella Swan was _so_ courageous, _so_ brilliant, as she journeyed with her murderous vampire buddy (who was an _ass_ ) to find only the finest of the [ _cue the science-y name for week because Bella did look it up only to find like three and was too lazy to much research after that_ ].

They find themselves in a surprisingly bright lit park, in the company of a cheerful boy no older than thirteen. 

“I sell for my uncle.” He explains with a shrug when Bella gives him a _look_ , gesturing into his pocket. “Don’t ask, you don’t wanna know.”

“Noted.” Bella says, “Can we—”

“Shush.” Victoria flicks Bella lightly on the forehead.

She winces, reaching up to rub at the spot that hurt, glaring indignantly at Victoria. It hurt a bit more than normal flicks did, but Bella was sort of thankful for the glaring reminder that Victoria wasn’t human. She could honestly get the same effect if she looked into her eyes long enough, but when she did that Victoria seemed to like making a game out of it.

_A staring contest between a monster and the dumbass willing to associate with her_ , Bella thinks with a roll of her eyes.

The boy, appropriately bewitched, smiled widely at Victoria. It’s not quite an innocent look, but it isn’t as lecherous as some of the other people they came across, so despite herself Bella has a bit of respect for the little guy. As much respect as she can have for a thirteen year old drug dealer anyway...

A very dark part of her wants to sic Victoria on the person who pushed him in this situation, dangerous and terrifying, but she has no way of knowing if the boy would appreciate it or not—or even if it would shove him darker down a path thirteen year-olds just _shouldn’t_ be on.

Regardless, she watches quietly as the boy and her talk prices.

Finally when the boy pulls out the small baggy, Bella blinks.

“Wow,” She squints, “this is—”

“Not any good, smells weird.” Victoria says with a frown. “Your uncle told you to sell this?”

“Uh, yeah.” The poor boy looks clueless, but wary; he tenses, and Bella can tell he’s ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. “You can smell it from that far?”

“Yes.” Victoria says straight up, not even bending the truth a little.

“You know a lot about this stuff?” Bella asks. She herself knows a little bit, but dad’s boogeyman stories about drugs were just that—boogeyman stories. 

“It’s skunk weed, laced with all sorts of nasty chemicals.” When Bella looks at her in astonishment Victoria shrugs. “I get bored.”

“That’s fair.” Bella notes.

“Chemicals?” The boy presses, not looking particularly surprised but sort of grim.

“You could’ve killed someone.” Victoria adds cheerfully, once again with no social awareness whatsoever. Bella would be sort of impressed if she didn't want to scream very, very loudly. “Peroxides and all other sorts, say, do you know where I might find your uncle?”

“Are you gonna get rid of him?” He asks, and really it's a fair question, but it's one the boy probably shouldn't _know_ to be asking. That, and a dose of healthy paranoia, sets Bella on edge.

“I haven’t decided.” Victoria answers him honestly, “It’s up to this one here anyway, she doesn’t quite like it when I do things I’m not supposed to.”

The boy crosses his arms, staring down them both for a moment. He’s short for his age, his cheeks a tad too gaunt and his gray sweatshirt too big for him. “Everyone does things they aren’t supposed to, you’re not supposed to be breathing, and you do that anyway—so I think it’s just deciding for yourself the wrong things that are worth doing.”

Victoria’s eyes narrow. “You’ve got quite the intuition there, child.”

He says nothing.

“Would you miss your uncle?” Bella asks him quietly.

Victoria smiles, and Bella realizes that she's taken her question as _permission._

_Aw crap._ She thinks tiredly. _I'm an accessory to murder._

“No.” He says honestly. “He’s a _bigot_ , and a _turd_ and a _hypocrite_.”

“I see.” Victoria says, her mouth twisting. “Where will I find him?”

He gives her the address.

Bella closes her eyes.

Why had he done that? The question rebounds in her skull, knocking inside her head with a brute force that leaves a lasting ache. Even if he didn't have that weird intuition thing going on, who did he expect Victoria was? The _police_? That couldn't be it at all— _no,_ he had to think her dangerous, at least a little bit, if he was sending her to off his uncle.

“Stay put, Swan.” Victoria laughs, patting her cheek lightly before she goes. “Can’t have you wandering off too far.”

She says nothing until the boy and her are alone, and opens her eyes to stare for a moment. She knows he knew what Victoria wanted to do, but she doesn’t know how he did it so easily. 

(Bella supposes that hatred bottles itself up in everyone, even kids who barely count as teenagers.)

“If you see someone like her again, you should run.” She starts conversationally.

“You feel different.” He says, and by the way his shoulders slump the bravado he’d shown by talking to Victoria was an act.

“Uh, right.” Bella says, not quite sure why he told her that. “If you see anyone with red eyes—”

He rubs at his face tiredly. “You really gotta get your friend some contacts—that can't be natural.”

“—don’t go near them, okay?”

He looks at her for a long moment. “I don’t know you.”

“Take it as advice.” Bella smiles. “You avoid cops all the time right? Or people you know would tell them.”

“You don’t know a thing.” His brow furrows as he crosses his arms across his chest, his upper drowning in the sweatshirt so badly he looks smaller than he actually is.

“Yeah.” She nods her head in docile agreement, and it only serves to make him more confused. “Just take the advice, dude.”

“She’s strong.” He says to her after a moment. “I think I can respect that.”

Bella’s mouth twists into a warped version of a smile. “Me too.”

When Victoria comes back with blood on the corner of her mouth, Bella hastily wipes it away before the boy can see.

* * *

“I’ve decided.” Victoria says soon after they leave the boy, with no product and about one-thousand dollars richer. It wasn’t actually worth that much, but Victoria had found money on her... errand, and decided that giving it to the boy was a much better idea than keeping it. She hums as she walks with Bella, occasionally leaning over to a trash can or storm drain to chuck away a bit of weed.

Bella stares. She doesn’t know where she stands with this woman, granted she never _really_ knew that, but she’d had a better idea before this mess. “Decided what?”

(She was still reeling from Victoria’s _“random act of kindness”_ and honestly couldn’t find it in herself to bicker with her much.)

“I will be stealing from a police station,” Victoria announces so loudly that they get a couple of odd looks. One jogger shoots them a thumbs up before she continues on her way. “It’s easier that way.”

Bella didn’t complain. “Do you want me just to wait?”

Victoria considers her for a moment.

She doesn’t even have the energy to shift uncomfortably. 

“Stay in there.” Victoria says after a moment, pointing to a McDonald’s across the street and shoving her a couple of twenties. So she had kept some of the money. “Buy yourself some food or something, or some snacks—there’s a convenience store—humans have to eat everyday, right?”

It’s funny to Bella that she even has to ask that question. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

Victoria cracks a victorious smile, and the expression is so astoundingly at home on her face that it takes a moment for Bella to realize that she was staring. It’s hard to see the smile, so normal and almost charming, on the face of someone Bella knows would kill her—someone she knows who had the potential to _enjoy_ the moment her heart stopped beating.

She imagined it for a moment, Victoria with her mouth and hands stained red—a sight that was not entirely unfamiliar—but this time it would be Bella’s crumpled body at her feet. Bella thinks that’s the moment it sinks in that tomorrow is her last day alive.

“Do you remember what food was like before?” She asks, if only to break the steady decline of her mood, she doesn’t think she can afford a mental breakdown; not with Victoria there. (Would she kill her for it? There was no way to tell.)

“Muddy memories, not worth dredging up.” Victoria says, brushing off Bella’s question without much theatrics. She tilts her head, as though thinking, and a feral little grin curves her lips. “I was _very_ fond of sweets though, I remember that much.”

Bella opens her mouth to ask if she wanted a cookie or something before letting it fall closed, remembering that vampires didn’t need to eat. “Alright.” She sighs, “Don’t kill anyone.”

“No promises.” Victoria sang teasingly, shrugging her shoulders in a motion that basically meant _whatever happens, happens._

“Just don’t make it messy.” Bella grumbles after staring disbelievingly at her, the tone of her voice obviously defeated.

Victoria bares her teeth, the points of her canines too striking to look away from. It’s an awful sight, her vampiric beauty morphed into something as astonishingly alluring as it was horrifying. “Aww,” She coos, “aren’t you cute when you’re trying to stop me from eating people.”

Bella huffs, rolling her eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“You’re quite welcome.” 

“That was sarcasm, Poindexter.” She states flatly.

The smug look on her face doesn’t falter. “Well, the compliment still stands, of course.”

“Ugh.” Bella grunts, crossing her arms around her chest and looking away.

“Oh, don’t complain, it’d only be fair if you were off gallivanting at the...” She peers around, “... _McDonald's_ , that I get to eat as well.”

(The _McDonald's_ , Bella inwardly rolls her eyes, how out of touch did you have to be with the world to call it _that?_ )

“See _somehow_ I don’t think that’s true.”

“We all need to eat to survive.” Victoria states with a pout, chastising. She places her hands on her hips, tossing her hair and looking at her with a look of such profound disappointment that for a second Bella is sure she’s hallucinating.

“I’d rather go hungry.” She spits.

Victoria’s eyes shift, her gaze darker. “Something tells me you have.”

“Oh, _wow_! How manipulative of the vampire with social issues.” Bella privately thinks that Victoria’s behavior reminds her of most Tom Riddle fanfictions. Not that she’s read a whole lot of them... okay maybe she had but when Voldy was her age he was kind of hot.

(Oh. Wait. That probably said something about herself she'd rather not acknowledge.)

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” She says.

And then the unthinkable happens.

Victoria _winks_.

Bella swears that she almost loses her shit right then and there.

* * *

“Hey.” Bella greets without looking up, scooping a bit of BBQ sauce onto her chicken nuggets and then stuffing them into her mouth, not bothering to really pay Victoria much more attention than that. 

She’d ordered herself her comfort meal, dammit, and she’d be comforted by it or die trying.

“Hello, dove.” Victoria greets, and looks down at the table. 

Bella scowls, sparing her one glance before turning back to her food. “I swear to _God_ if you diss my chicky nugs—”

“Oh, _honestly._ What kind of person do you take me for?” She asks, sounding offended, before rolling her eyes and sliding into the booth across from Bella.

“An awful one.” Bella retorts without skipping a beat, the chicken nuggets making her braver than usual.

Victoria purses her lips, running a hand through her hair and huffing. “To _your_ standards.”

“To _most_ people’s standards.” Bella corrects her, shooting her an exasperated glance and then going back to stuffing her face.

“I don’t know about that.” It almost sounds like she was _pouting._ “I’m a very likable person.”

“Are you though?” Bella asks her, looking up and squinting.

“Are you going to order yourself anything else?” Victoria asks, completely ignoring her. “I’ve observed that humans tend to consume more when inebriated.”

Bella blinks at her cluelessly. “Did you somehow just make the _munchies_ sound like _that_?”

“Shush.” Victoria says, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms around her chest.

“Um...” She looks at her food. “I got enough for two so I’m fine.”

(Bella had bought some for Victoria by accident.)

“I do so love a girl who’s prepared.” She purrs in response, moving to stand. “Come along, little bird, can’t exactly have much fun in this... area.”

Bella snorts, and then gets up to follow her.

“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Victoria asks her after Bella finishes coughing into the grass, absentmindedly patting Bella’s back in an attempt to soothe her.

Bella groans, her hands gripping the ground so tightly they come away with stalks of grass and dirt. Victoria didn’t exactly _need_ her lungs, so even though the smoke seemed to ‘tickle’ her, she wouldn’t end up like Bella did—face first into the dirt in an attempt to muffle her coughs. Not to mention that Victoria didn’t hang out with humans a whole lot if she wasn’t going to eat them, so she’d pretty much forgotten to warn Bella of the coughing.

It had been fine at first, just feeling weird, but the second and third hits went away with a burst of discomfort in her chest; and soon she found herself hacking her lungs out.

But also she felt like...

...weird.

Like, her mind was sitting in a sauna, still _there_ and accessible if she tried hard enough to reach it—but utterly obstructed by steam.

Oh wow she was _zooted._

Bella wonders if she's a lightweight or something.

“Hmmm, I wanna eat a lot.” Bella mumbles into the grass, and if Victoria wasn’t a vampire she probably wouldn’t be able to hear her. She turns her head, her cheek laying on the cool ground, and looks up at her—and even though her eyes are watery, she can see Victoria’s teasing little smile from a mile away.

“I’d like to do the same.” She purrs, and Bella groans and shuts her eyes.

“If I say ‘no, bad vampire’ do you think you would listen?” Her voice was muffled, but she found that she didn’t really care.

Victoria hums, thinking for a moment. “Not likely.”

Bella sighs. “Nuts.”

“What kind?”

She frowns, and it takes her a moment to process exactly Victoria had asked. Her eyes flutter open, squinting incredulously at the _vampire_ in front of her that had just made such a _corny_ joke. “That wasn’t very funny.” Bella says, because she has a death wish.

Victoria pouts. ( _Pouts._ Bella had seen it before but it still struck her as strange every time.) “I thought it was rather hilarious.”

“Yeah, you would.” She scoffs, turning her head away from her and relaxing back into the grass. Victoria had carried her into some woods, something about ‘putting distance between us.’ She guesses that means the Cullens had been getting close.

“Excuse me.” Victoria gasps, and Bella doesn’t have to turn and look to know that her hand is being dramatically held over her heart.

She inwardly rolls her eyes. “You’re excused.”

“Wow.” She says, faking shocked and appalled. “Rude. The human is being so _rude_ to me.”

Bella frowns, turning back to face Victoria only to glare up at her. “What are you-?”

“Rude human.” Victoria chastises, bopping Bella on the top of her head just a tad too hard. “ _Bad_. Bad human.”

“The bad human wants to stab you.”

“The human is free to try.”

The bad human attempts to poke Victoria in the eye.

She misses.

“Almost.” Victoria sings, amused. “Maybe next time.”

“Hey, look over there.” Bella pokes Victoria in the face when she turns to look.

Victoria stills. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but meeting you was the worst mistake of my life.”

Bella snorts, rolling onto her back and looking up at the clouds. “Because I’m so amazing, cool, and hot that I’ve ruined everyone else for you?”

“Someone thinks rather highly of herself.” Victoria notes, moving to lay beside her, blatantly staring at the side of her face.

“It’s either that or a very uncreative _fuck off_?” Bella shrugs, sparing her a glance before her eyes return to the sky. “Honestly, it’s up to you.”

“Ah.” Victoria says quietly, turning to copy her and look at the clouds. “Both responses have their merits, I suppose.”

" _Both responses have their merits, I suppose."_ Bella mutters under her breath mockingly.

"I'll kill you early."

_"I'll kill you early."_

Her eyes feel heavier, her breathing slowly. She's never taken a weed nap before... she wonders what it feels like. Bella supposes that Victoria would indulge her for an hour or two before waking her up, so she doesn't bother to try and stay awake.

( _She dreams of blonde hair, stark white teeth against red lips—the curve of a smirk, the dimple of a chin. She dreams of golden eyes, and then red ones, and then a mix between the two. She dreams of a physically warmthless family, messy dark curls and honey blonde waves and ginger antigravity—dreams of all of their heads, staring at her with fondness and love and everything above and inbetween._

_She dreams of blood and snow, of the shivering cold of the months without her love, the hours spent in a chair that faced her bedroom window, rocking back and forth absentmindedly for so long her stomach begins to ache. Bella dreams of her life before her oncoming death, of her friends and their soft human eyes, blue and brown. She dreams of their laughter, untouched by the supernatural nature of the town they live in, brushed only in a childish sense of angst and desperation; loving cluelessly and recklessly like they don't know how yet._

_She dreams of two sets of strong hands cupping her own, running warm, the grip her hands separately, with different smiles—one utterly devoted and the other reluctantly._

_What is it like to dream of the people she loves?_

_She thinks that she's thankful to see them one last time before she dies—)_

When Bella's eyes flutter open, it is dark.

_Oh._ She thinks. _I'm still high._

That odd floaty feeling hadn't faded one bit, even after the nap (that must have been longer than an hour or two.)

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Bella whines, a little groggy, to the still stone body by her side. "Now I'm gonna die sooner."

"My apologies." Victoria says, sounding utterly serious.

She finds that she can't quite be mad at her. "It's fine."

It's quiet as Bella rubs at her eyes, blinking warily up at the night sky. The stars shine against the darkness, and she wonders why Victoria had been content with them to stay put for so long. It must have been at least four or five hours, and Bella had learned that didn't like staying in one place for long. 

“What made you fall in love with her?” Victoria asks after a moment.

The question is abrupt and blurted out, as though she hadn't quite meant to ask it. But Bella doesn't believe it was an accident, perhaps this was a question that had been on her mind for a long time, and she'd finally found it in herself to ask it. _How curious it is to see her anxious,_ Bella thinks, looking over and noticing the stoic expression on her face. Her brow twitches, and something like satisfaction curls in her stomach.

“Nope!” Bella chirps out, turning back toward the sky.

“Nope?”

“Nope!” She repeats sagely, nodding her head and closing her eyes. “That’s the forbidden line of questioning, Killer.”

“Forbidden?” Victoria snorts. “I’ve a knack for learning forbidden secrets.”

“You’re awful.” Bella says through a weak laugh.

“Seriously.” She presses after a quiet moment. “How did you find yourself loving her?”

Bella knows why Victoria is asking, knows that she is looking for spots to press her—knows that she just wants a bit of fun to add to Bella’s torment. She knew that, but the thing is Bella hadn’t talked about Rosalie in _so_ long, she’d thought about her almost constantly, even written about her in the emails she’d sent Alice and the small journal she kept under her bed. 

But she hadn’t talked about her, not one bit.

(And she doubted that giving the wolf pack the bare minimum of information counted.)

She’d gotten close, once—with Leah. They were... close. In truth it was hard to describe the relationship they had, what with the chains of devotion so locked tight around Leah Clearwater; the imprint controlling her emotions in a way that robbed her of all agency. Still, they were close—with Bella beginning to see her as one of the best of her friends.

She’d almost spilled her guts to her, to Leah. But it felt so _unfair_ , for Bella to be drowning in the waves of love she had for Rosalie; for someone Leah had hated on principle. 

And so she hadn’t.

“I don’t know.” Bella says, and it’s almost the truth.

Victoria watches her, eyes narrowing in that way that sent shivers down Bella’s spine. “You do.” She murmurs after a moment. “I can tell.”

So why had Bella loved Rosalie? (Why did she _still_ love her?)

It couldn’t be as ridiculous as what a ‘mating bond.’ Bella didn’t believe in that kind of stuff, the whole _written in the stars_ type thing. She read about love stories like that all the time, soulmates drawn together because of fate and not circumstance; and even though she enjoyed them, that didn’t mean she suddenly wanted to be living the life of a romance novel protagonist. 

(Honestly though she probably failed when she met a whole flock of weird vegetarian vampires and their weird, hot sister.)

But still, the way she sees the world is that choice is what defines a person, and though not everything is controllable a lot of things are. She _chose_ to talk to Rosalie, she _chose_ to try and get to know her—even if it had often blown up in her face. But there had been a quality to Rose, something unmistakably lovely; she’d seen it in the way Rosalie snorted when she was amused, the subtle quirk of her mouth. 

She saw warmth in someone chilled to the bone, and she was unquestionably attracted to it.

(Bella loves herself a good contradiction, after all—it’s _poetic_. And she’s always been fond of poetry.)

“Maybe a little.” Bella laughs, leaning back and closing her eyes. “I loved her because—”

_Because what?_

“—she was so strong.” She whispers reverently, “But it’s so much _more_ than that; it’s like she was holding the weight of the world on her shoulders and the desire to hold it right alongside her was _so_ overwhelming and I just wanted to tell her over and over again that I was right there, that I would _always_ be right there, waiting for her to lower her guard and allow me to help—”

“She was beautiful.” Victoria interjects, a bit abrupt but not lacking in softness.

“No.” Bella laughs, flopping her head back down on the grass, staring up at the sky. It’s almost strange to see light peeking out of the clouds after an eternity in Forks. “No, she wasn’t—she was struggling, and she loved me somehow, loved all of them; she laughed and she teased and she glared at me in that way _everyone_ knew was fake...” 

“It sounds lovely.” Victoria says, confused. “So why wasn’t she beautiful?”

“I don’t know.” Bella says. “Her hatred was so captivating, and love was so astoundingly fierce... but it didn’t... on the surface she is beautiful; but below that, below it all, she was something else altogether—I don’t... I don’t know the word for it.”

“I see.” Victoria hums.

“Do you?” Bella laughs. “Because I don’t think _I_ even understood what I was saying.”

“No, I do.” Victoria says.

And for a moment, Bella can almost believe that she’s telling the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose this is a bit of a halloween present lol


End file.
